Dear Survivor:I believe you.It’s not your fault.You are not alone
To understand our journeys of healing and survivorhood is also to understand that we live in a culture that warns us to avoid the moment when sexual assault will break us, as if we could avoid that moment—a culture that tells us what clothes to wear, what signs to give, what signs not to give, and what not to drink, as if by making such personal adjustments we might have the power to avoid the violence done onto our bodies against our will.
Even before sexual assaults occur, we live betrayed by a society that blames us for any violence that might happen to us—and blames us for our gender performance or for our lack of femininity or masculinity, and blames us for our willingness to challenge these rigid social expectations, as if these facts about us, as if these qualities inherent in our identities, warrant violence.
Before sexual assault, we were children told of the adventures that awaited us in college—“the best four years of your life!” We were courted by pristine, colorful brochures that invited us, encouraged us, to ask big questions and to contribute to a community that wanted us.
Before sexual assault, there was an element of innocence within us, an innocence that bought into the belonging that the colleges and universities advertised.
We were customers, but we were also dreamers.
Before we were sexually assaulted, the colleges and universities sold us trust, love, and safety; and we bought in with our tuition dollars and our hearts.
There is no such thing as a perfect survivor, and while our stories are different, our sisterhood connects us.